Matthew 28:1-10 – “Listen” – April 21, 2019

Let’s break this passage down into three basic lessons: listen to women, listen to angels, and listen to Jesus

First, listen to women. The fact that women were ever excluded from leadership in the church and that they are still excluded in many churches, is some truly audacious patriarchy. Because every gospel tells us that women were the most devoted and fearless followers of Jesus and that women were the first witnesses of the resurrection and the first preachers about the resurrection.  The gospels don’t agree on everything but they all agree, the women did not run away at the crucifixion like the men did, they remained faithful even after Jesus’ death, they saw the angels at the tomb, witnessed the empty tomb, saw the Risen Jesus, and proclaimed it to the men who had run away in fear. So, that the patriarchy was able to look at these stories and still come to the conclusion that women should not be allowed into leadership in the church is basically insane.

1 Samuel 16 – “How Long Will You Grieve?” – October 22, 2017 –

God asks the prophet Samuel, “How long will you grieve over Saul?”

Saul was the first king of Israel. Samuel was the prophet who anointed him as the first king of Israel. Samuel really wanted Saul to succeed. He both believed in him and felt responsible for his reign. So when things fall apart for King Saul in the previous chapter, and it becomes clear to Samuel that Saul was the wrong choice, it is understandable that he would feel sad about that. His grief and remorse are reasonable feelings to have. In fact, God joins Samuel in these melancholy feelings. At the end of chapter 15 it says, “the LORD regretted making Saul king over Israel.”

So it is not surprising that Samuel would grieve. Saul is a massive national disappointment. What is surprising is that God would so quickly call Samuel to end his grieving, and it happens very fast. Basically, chapter 15 ends with God feeling regret about Saul’s kingship. Then in the very first verse of chapter 16 God is asking Samuel, “Hey, how long are you going to grieve over this guy anyway?” That is surprising because what we know about grief today is that it is not something you should rush, and it is not as simple as just getting over it. Paul Spencer, the author of “Surviving Alzheimer’s” writes in a blog on Carring.com about 5 myths about grief. (https://www.caring.com/articles/how-to-grieve)

Myth #1: It’s possible to cry too much.

Everyone grieves differently. There’s no single correct way to express the pain, sorrow, yearning, and other aspects of the transition of adjusting to the death of a loved one. Intense responses are sometimes seen as “losing control,” when in fact they’re simply how that person is actively (and productively) processing the loss.

Myth #2: If you don’t cry now, it’ll be worse later.

Some people never cry. Tears or outward expressions of anguish simply aren’t everyone’s grieving style, says psychologist Neimeyer. This doesn’t mean they’re grieving less intensely than a visibly shaken individual, or that they loved the person who died any less. Nor does a lack of obvious emotion mean the griever has an emotional block or problem or will face a longer, more difficult adjustment to the loss.

Myth #3: Grief is something you “get over.”

Most people never stop grieving a death; they learn to live with it. Many psychologists bristle at words such as “acceptance” or “resolution” or “healed” as a final stage of grief. The real stages of grief are processes that we return to over and over again throughout life.

Myth #4: Time heals slowly but steadily.

Time does help. But the process isn’t a steady fading away of our pain. Grief is a chaotic roller coaster — a mix of ups, downs, steady straight lines, and the occasional slam. Periods of intense sadness and pain can flare and fade for years or decades.

Myth #5: Grieving should end after a set amount of time.

Ignore oft-quoted rules of thumb that purport to predict how long certain types of grief should last. A downside to six-week or eight-week bereavement groups, says Sherry E. Showalter, a psychotherapist specializing in grief and the author of Healing Heartaches: Stories of Loss and Life, is that at the end of the sessions, people mistakenly expect to be “better” (or their friends expect this). “Everyone tells me the same story: ‘I failed Grief 101,’ because they still feel pain,” Showalter says. “We grieve for a lifetime, because we’re forever working to incorporate the death into our tapestry of life.”

Learning how to grieve is ultimately part instinct, part stumbling along, part slogging through — a bit like learning how to live.”

Many of these myths and corresponding realities seem to speak against our text where God asks Samuel, “How long are you going to grieve over Saul?” As a side note, notice that

Saul is still alive. Grief does not have to be over the death of person. You can grieve the loss a relationship. You can also grieve the loss of a job or a home. You can grieve the loss of a physical or mental ability. Grief is the process of learning to live with a hole in your life. And part of the process may be to sit there and stare into the hole. But, that is only part of the process. Another part of the process is learning to work around the hole and live with the hole, because the reality is, the hole doesn’t get filled. We don’t replace the people or things we lose. We do learn to live without them.

That may be what God means, “How long will you grieve over Saul?” In this case, God is saying to Samuel, “you will always have a hole in your life over this. You chose Saul as the first king of Israel. You believed in him. He failed. And so you failed. Nothing will change any of that. But, you can’t stare down into this hole forever. At some point you need to start integrating this loss into a new life.”

Of course, God says this more eloquently and symbolically. God says, “Fill your horn with oil and get going. I’m sending you to Jesse of Bethlehem because I have found my next king among his sons.” “Fill your horn with oil and get going.” In other words, “You don’t need to stop being sad, but at some point you do need to start living again. You are a prophet. You bring my anointing to the world. Fill your horn with oil and go anoint someone. It is OK to do it while you are still sad.” And as we read in the story, the person Samuel anoints is the least physically impressive of Jesse’s sons. It is a shepherd boy named David who will become the greatest king Israel ever knew.

It is probably accurate to say that most of us here have lost someone or something important to us. Most of us here have some sort of hole in our lives from that loss. The question God asks Samuel is the same question for all of us, “How long will you grieve?” How long will you stare into the hole? A week, a month, a year? Take your time with the sadness. Take your time with the feelings. There is no wrong way to grieve. But, do know this: you did not die. You are still alive. You are still here. At some point we need to integrate the death into our lives. At some point we need to fill our horn with oil and get to doing the work God has called us to do.

There is a world out there that needs our anointing oil. We sit here full of holes from the losses we have known, the loved ones who have gone, the failures we have experience, and we sit with a horn full of oil and calling go anoint the world.  Both realities are true.

Maybe learning to share our blessings with the world despite the holes in our lives is what makes us…holy. (Yes. I just did that). Maybe we are holy people because we are filled with holes and filled with loss and still called to love the world.

How long will you grieve? How long will you stare into hole? It’s ok to do that. It’s ok to be sad. It’s ok to grieve. Don’t rush it. But there is a world out there waiting for anointing. So as soon as you are able, start living with the hole. Fill your horn with oil and get going.